Hi, Blogspot. Do I look familiar to you? Yes, I'm Lindsay, the active blogger of 2009-2010. I guess, the saying, "There's no place like home." is true enough.
This is the nth time I created a blog. I've been to Wordpress, Blogspot, Tumblr--I created four blogs here for Pete's sake--and even went to Posterous.
I didn't create these blogging sites just for the superficial reason that people will have the impression that I'm geeky/cool/techie because I know a lot of sites like this, but merely because, I feel like some of the things I would have to say won't fit to the kind of personality that each blog portrays. Let's say, I have this first blog that is crystal clear in the eye of the public--including schoolmates, friends and if they are Detective Conan-like, even relatives. Then I have this second blog that is safe enough to pour out my innermost feelings where I can cry over something, swear someone, and go on an angsty mood, because my followers don't even know me in real life--purely strangers. There are no worries like, "what if I bumped into this follower in our school hallway and he/she will think that, 'haha this girl is so full of dramas. I read it in her 3am post that she got dumped and blablablabla...'?". I'm afraid that if I do the my-heart-speaks kind of posts on my public blog, people would mocked me for being so melodramatic, naive, hopeless romantic, bitch and stupid. Then the other blog is for my beyond crazy side. The out-of-this-world kind of crazy. It is where I reblog funny posts such as a picture of a Caucasian wearing a horse mask. Haha. You might even rolled your eyes after reading that sentence.
The truth is, I'm always afraid of what people might say about me. I always care about what they think of me. Isn't it ironic that I'm taking up Journalism--something a person would go for because they are brave enough to express themselves--yet I move a few steps back, mask an image that I know would please the people around me because if I unravel my transparent self, I'd be judged, critized and laughed at? I find it funny yet pitiful how in school essays, my pen smoothly glides in writing the phrase, "A journalist should not be afraid to express their opinions and thoughts" shit but here I am, failed to apply it in my life. Yes, I run a blog. I own a blog. And technically speaking, I'm the only one who can access to it. But the question is, am I being able to live the essence of having a blog? No.
It took me into a long train of thought to finally say this, "be yourself". Cliche as it may sound, but it's true. I should not put myself, my identity, at stake just because I'm afraid of rejections. I don't want the rueful time to come where I no longer know myself because I patterned my life according to the approval of the people around me. And maybe, I'm just too damn paranoid. I didn't quite realize that if people are smart enough, they would be busy dealing with the twists and turns of their own lives. And those kind of people who say a lot about a person as if they know that someone well? Well, it only shows how shallow they are. And as a smart person, shrugging their nonsense off should be your response. Remember, IT IS YOUR LIFE.
This will be my last main blog. I will post here my experiences--good or bad--in living and loving. This will be viewed by everyone. I don't care anymore if they think I'm melodramatic. I don't care anymore if they think I'm naive. I don't care anymore if they think I'm hopeless romantic. I don't care anymore if they think I'm a bitch. I don't care anymore if they think I'm stupid. The truth is, I probably am composed of those qualities. But I'm not letting their cloudy judgments hold me back from expressing myself.
Say what you wanna say and let your words fall out. What you wanna say. I wanna see you be brave.
Be brave, Lindsay. Be brave.
This is the nth time I created a blog. I've been to Wordpress, Blogspot, Tumblr--I created four blogs here for Pete's sake--and even went to Posterous.
I didn't create these blogging sites just for the superficial reason that people will have the impression that I'm geeky/cool/techie because I know a lot of sites like this, but merely because, I feel like some of the things I would have to say won't fit to the kind of personality that each blog portrays. Let's say, I have this first blog that is crystal clear in the eye of the public--including schoolmates, friends and if they are Detective Conan-like, even relatives. Then I have this second blog that is safe enough to pour out my innermost feelings where I can cry over something, swear someone, and go on an angsty mood, because my followers don't even know me in real life--purely strangers. There are no worries like, "what if I bumped into this follower in our school hallway and he/she will think that, 'haha this girl is so full of dramas. I read it in her 3am post that she got dumped and blablablabla...'?". I'm afraid that if I do the my-heart-speaks kind of posts on my public blog, people would mocked me for being so melodramatic, naive, hopeless romantic, bitch and stupid. Then the other blog is for my beyond crazy side. The out-of-this-world kind of crazy. It is where I reblog funny posts such as a picture of a Caucasian wearing a horse mask. Haha. You might even rolled your eyes after reading that sentence.
The truth is, I'm always afraid of what people might say about me. I always care about what they think of me. Isn't it ironic that I'm taking up Journalism--something a person would go for because they are brave enough to express themselves--yet I move a few steps back, mask an image that I know would please the people around me because if I unravel my transparent self, I'd be judged, critized and laughed at? I find it funny yet pitiful how in school essays, my pen smoothly glides in writing the phrase, "A journalist should not be afraid to express their opinions and thoughts" shit but here I am, failed to apply it in my life. Yes, I run a blog. I own a blog. And technically speaking, I'm the only one who can access to it. But the question is, am I being able to live the essence of having a blog? No.
It took me into a long train of thought to finally say this, "be yourself". Cliche as it may sound, but it's true. I should not put myself, my identity, at stake just because I'm afraid of rejections. I don't want the rueful time to come where I no longer know myself because I patterned my life according to the approval of the people around me. And maybe, I'm just too damn paranoid. I didn't quite realize that if people are smart enough, they would be busy dealing with the twists and turns of their own lives. And those kind of people who say a lot about a person as if they know that someone well? Well, it only shows how shallow they are. And as a smart person, shrugging their nonsense off should be your response. Remember, IT IS YOUR LIFE.
This will be my last main blog. I will post here my experiences--good or bad--in living and loving. This will be viewed by everyone. I don't care anymore if they think I'm melodramatic. I don't care anymore if they think I'm naive. I don't care anymore if they think I'm hopeless romantic. I don't care anymore if they think I'm a bitch. I don't care anymore if they think I'm stupid. The truth is, I probably am composed of those qualities. But I'm not letting their cloudy judgments hold me back from expressing myself.
Say what you wanna say and let your words fall out. What you wanna say. I wanna see you be brave.
Be brave, Lindsay. Be brave.
