Realization and rants

I did not give up on love. What I gave up is the mere idea that love will going to be easy for me.  This “halaman mode” (the state where your guards are all up to any form of romantic feelings) that I’m currently in is naturally comforting. I'm sure my 16-years-old angsty self is not the one doing the talking because after taking time to self-reflect, it somewhat dawned on me what really consist of my being. I’m not saying that I’m underestimating love’s immanent capability of making two different paths collide in the most unexpected way. I mean, you can meet your significant other in a train ride on one Tuesday afternoon or maybe, accidentally picking up the same piece of raw meat in an eat-all-you-can buffet restaurant (while there's imaginary bokeh in the background). I’m not refusing to acknowledge the possibility of these spur of the moment romances would not lead to sharing a pancake on a plate while wearing their underwear ten years later. But I’ve planted a seed of realistic judgment that love will not give that moment to me. Aside from the fact that I’m a grumpy stranger you would encounter with on a morning rush, I consider myself being the last person who is a possible protagonist in a setting like that. This explains why I’m not interested in seeing someone new right now no matter how my friends try to brand that person. I just know that deep down inside, opening up doors for a guy is not the perfect time. Honestly, I’m not asking for too much. I’m not looking for someone who can tick every little thing on the #relationshipgoals. What I just want is someone to spend my lifetime with and I know it will take matter of time and experiences--which I don’t think is possible right now--to see a man's potential for that. Maybe, I’m destined to meet my other half through a common friend or being in the same workplace. It may be typical, predictable and not the story that Nicholas Sparks avid readers would look upon with eyes gleaming with admiration, but I know when that time comes, I’m beyond grateful with that and as our love grows, it will have its unique DNA that will make it breathtaking and magical in the most extraordinary way, at least in my point of view. But right now, I'm more than contented staying 24/7 in the sun (but for Pete's sake, not literally, especially during this humid season of the year) and bearing my own wonders, my own fruits.

People come and go and that is okay. This is not only about wrecked relationships or messed up friendships but the totality of losing a person in your life. After all the hang-ups and sudden vanishing I’ve witnessed in my naked eyes, I no longer have the energy to chase after a person who decided to just shut me off in  their life. It’s not that our ties did not mean anything to me but I’ve learned that you cannot control or dictate for how long someone would like to celebrate life with you. So while you’re still exchanging laughters and giggles, taking the most wackiest selfies or talking about just plainly anything, just seize the moment because you can’t really pinpoint who is gonna stay and who is gonna leave. Even if we don’t want it, we just have to be prepared on life’s surprises. I bet the four members of One Direction would agree with me on this. It may seem like a hard thing to do especially if that person have contributed a big part in your life but we'll be fine eventually. Fake it 'til you make it.

Just because you do not vibrate the same frequency with some people does not mean they are not worth-keeping in your life. I’ll stop being hypocrite here. I’ve been introduced to a lot of  people who, surprisingly, went on with second, third, fourth meeting until a mutual friendship has surfaced. But after months and years of spending time with some of these people, I got to know who they really are--which I have to admit, often end up disappointing me. Thus, I tried to filter them thoroughly until it boiled down to a handful of friends. If I learned that you never liked Ed Sheeran, I'd drop you out. If I learned that you have a faulty grammar (I’m sorry. I'm not looking for someone like Shakespeare but some really awful grammar make me nauseated), I'd bid you goodbye. You may roll your eyes upon finishing the last two sentences but it came with a series of inconsistencies which let me into deciding to cross them out from the list of people I share a portion of my life with.  In short, I was looking for someone who was like an all package for me--someone who I share the same wavelength with. During my free time, I find myself sitting alone in a coffee shop. The solitude keeps me at peace because at least I’m not with someone who shares stories that I perpetually has no interest listening to. But I realized  lately that people are like seasons. You cannot force the summer to be paired with with snowballs but you can appreciate it when you're out in the sun and getting your tan on. You can’t expect the winter to mandate you into putting your favorite beach-ready Victoria's Secret bikini in the most frequently used space in your closet but you sure as hell it can make you hypnotize into a long power-charging nap. The point is, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has a weak skill in playing a certain life category. Instead of cutting people off,  you should learn to acknowledge who they really are. It is not their fault that they cannot be as smart, witty, broad-minded, creative and whatever the fuck you want to label yourself that will make you consider you are not on their level  as you think you are. It is not their fault. You must be able to look past to that and see the good side of them. Haven't you realized that these people will need you and even though you don't sense it today, you may also need their helping hand later? So from now on, as long as they are the kind people who have been true to you, embrace them with open arms.

Learn the difference between  coincidence and destiny, and small world and soulmate. If I were to be honest with you, I once used Tinder and accidentally matched with a guy whose mother happened to be my mom’s closest former officemate. We never realized it until I dropped my unique surname in our conversation. Heck, you can just imagine the exchange of dumbfounded reactions after that. Being who I really am as a person, I stared to overanalyze every detail of the story. First, he was also the same guy that my mom and her mother mutually agreed in an unwritten contract which stated that I and this guy will tie the knot someday.  Okay, maybe I was exaggerating with the last line but they were dead serious about making the two of us crossing on the same path.  I just can recall my mom saying, “Maybe after two years”. And just like the cliche next scene, two years later and here we are. To make the scenario even more freakishly jaw-dropping, we have been to the same different places without us a couple of times without us mindfully acknowledging the existence of the other. It sent weird signals in my system that even my friends were telling me that it was destiny or some sort. I admit, I was nearly convinced that maybe, the universe collided us to meet this time, in a technologically-advanced way. But then when I tried to step backward and see the bigger picture, he was just a guy who loves to play around on Tinder and it just happened that we are mutually connected to each other. Before anything else, I would like to defend myself by saying that no late night drinking, drunk texting and raging tweets that followed after that snap of reality. It occurred to me that I was caught up with the idea of destiny. Too often, we romanticize the idea of coincidence up to the extent that we tend to mistaken it as destiny. Don't hold dearly to the thought of how fairytale-like the setting your love story is because it is not about "how we met" but "how we try to work things out".

Respect yourself enough to know the difference between “staying friends with an ex” and “letting negative people in your life again”. Love gurus, chic lit novels and even lifestyle magazines have somehow imposed to us that being friends with an ex is one of the most mature thing to do after the flame the two of you once shared has died. Furthermore, it also one way of acknowledging the times you have been through. After all, he has been a part of your happiness. Whenever I try to mull it over, it left me questioning if I was being a bitter ex girlfriend who chose to “ignore” or seenzone when an ex tried to reach out on me, dragging his ass down how sorry he was of how he put into an end of our relationship. The truth is, I already forgave him even before he was sorry. But having cleared my eyes, the connection we had was not worth saving at all. Why? Because on the course of our relationship, it never felt like something that made me grow into a person, something that would inspire me to do better in my life.  It was a mentally torturing one because the love, care and support were only one-sided. I was there when he needed someone to tell him that he was worth of receiving love, I was there when he needed someone to prove that his charms, no matter how he belittles himself, still works on someone like me. I was there when he needed someone to stroke his ego. I could put it into a long list but let’s not get into that. In short, It never felt like a woman and man in love, but more like a baby and babysitter pairing up. If the guy that you used to date did not even give you the slightest amount of right treatment during your relationship, then how can you expect him to offer you a genuine friendship? There’s a difference between being bitter and gaining self-respect. 

Star Magic Internship Experience Part 2

Can you believe that I'm still posting here?

Though bringing back the event of last year is not really classified as a legally accepted #throwbackThursday, I would like to bring this post up just because this is the perfect time for sharing what an internship experience is like so *drum rolls* I bring you, my internship experience part 2! I know, i know, recalling it feels like shoveling up a vintage necklace from your grandma's long forgotten jewelry box. I'm reviving sharing this with you, my dear readers, who I hope are internship seekers, so that you'll be more eager to submit your CVs at ABS-CBN.

To help you keep up with the pace, here are some important links you need to read:

Processing my internship
Internship week 1 and 2

WEEK 3

Week 3 was when I finally have someone to share this magical experience with. Garen and Judy were from New Era University. Surprisingly, upon a minute of talking to each other, we already felt that this was going to be a good team up--and our communication after the internship can attest to that. Anyway, this was also the time when I get to train myself in writing a press release. Thinking about it, this was nothing different to what I was doing during my internship at Comm & Sense. But this time, I was writing for the image of the model or endorser and the product that was being promoted. The task was to write a press release of the newly opened Diane Stalder Spa and Cafe at Gateway Mall. Really? Can you believe that you're getting the best full body massage and quench your thirst with the aroma of a cafe latte both at the same place? Isn't that a real deal? Hahaha so I guess with that, you can now have an idea of how press release writing is like.

If I remember it correctly, there was an event for this week and it was about Piolo Pascual's press conference on Sunlife Financial. But since  I already got the chance to attend two major events of the succeeding past two weeks, Ate Lyks told me that it was time for the newly hired interns to savor the moment. Haha. Also, during the ordinary days at the office, artists just casually enters in the workplace to talk with their talent handlers and road managers. And us, interns, would respect their personal space and afterwards, politely asked if it's okay with them to take a picture with us. And I guess you already knew what their answer was.

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The last two were wih my co-interns, Garen and Judy. :p

Week 4


Nothing big for this week. On a normal day when activities were not piled up in the workplace, talent handlers asked us some favors like photocopying all the collected articles of their specific artist. Little and easy as it may seemed, I think this task was still as important as the energy-draining ones because each effort is important to achieve the one common goal--to develop the career of the Star Magic Artists.

And of course, taking a picture with our favorite artists was part of our everyday stay at Star Magic.

Week 5

This was just another week of daily monitoring. But something to get ecstatic about this week's activity was doing the BTS of Star Magic Artists on Inside Showbiz September 2014 issue. (I hope you did buy it on that month! If not, please go purchase one in the nearest booksale branch in your area. Kidding.)


The photoshoot was held at One Mega Group's studio at Eastwood. The artists that fans should get anticipated for in that issue were Liza Soberano, Yen Santos, Marco Gumabao, Jerome Ponce, Marlo Mortel, Alexa Ilacad and Nash Aguas. Garen and I were the ones who got assigned to perform the task. Sounds easy, right? But did you know that while doing the Behind The Scenes (BTS) shoot, we have to squish out the creative juices in us to write a press release about that week's talk of the town, The Voice Kids Finale? Yeah, right. Multistasking at its finest. As a media practitioner, one must always be prepared to meet the deadlines even if it was just given at the last minute. But it ended well because a BTS can't be tiresome especially if you have a Liza Soberano, the lady whose career in the showbiz industry is sprouting healthily just like strawberries in Baguio, was the subject of your photography. Hay she is so damn pretty and I can't contain this sismance (a counterside of bromance lol) I'm feeling towards her.

Week 6

For this week, my task was to do the BTS of Gimme 5 (John Bermundo, Brace Arquiza, Grae Fernandez, Joaquin Reyes and Nash Aguas) at Manila Bulletin office. Working with these teenagers were fun and purely spontaneous because pressures were all put aside since talking to them felt like just having a casual conversation with your teenager self. Anyway, my favorite part of this day was after the photoshoot was done, the boys were just chilling around the place when colleage girls passing by started noticing them. Others probably can't believe what they were seeing and you can sense as their mouths expressed, "si nash ba yun?". Then after a series of blushing, giggling and pushing their friends around, these group of college students had finally got the courage to approach the boys to take a picture with them. After the selfie, every single college girl chuckled as they checked from their mobile phones the pictures they have with Nash Aguas--which got me thinking that these Gimme 5 boys can give the girls the kilig feeling no matter what the age group was. Hahahaha.

It was a whole afternoon activity but Ate Lyks told me it's not yet time to leave since there were paperworks left to do. She also brought up that Ikaw Lamang Book 2 Presscon was happening in the building which I was not able to get a hold of myself while inside the van with Gimme 5 Boys. Hahaha! For the second time around, I'll be seeing Coco Martin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I started to act like a fan girl but not in a i-will-push-you-out-of-the-van kind of way. I just kept saying, "Ate Lyks birthday ko bukas huhuhuhuhu" and she just gave me a laugh.


When I arrived at the office,  I saw Garen and Judy just finished doing the media monitoring and I exclaimed, "Si Coco Martin daw nandito!!!" They felt the excitement running through my veins and pushed me into going after my dreams. Hahahaha. (I asked permission to Ate Lyks, by the way.)  I don't remember the exact details after that but all I know was my feet, my system, my everything, were iitching to run to the said venue. Afraid I'd look like an insane fan giggling to herself on the place, I called Khiani, one of their classmate who was assigned to a different department to share the feast with me. Hahahahha. Coincidentally, she was also a die hard Coco Martin fan and as my first text went with, "ASAN KA??????????????????????????????????????" She already knew what the intense emotions were for. She told me that she was still in school but would exert an effort to go to ABS if it meant having a glimpse of our dear Coco Martin. I can't wait any longer so I already went to the venue of the presscon and screamed internally as seeing him again. Ohhh that dazzling eyes and contagious smile would drive me insane! Then after an estimated time of forty five minutes, Khiani arrived and I can totally imagine the explosions happening inside her because I felt the same way too. Hahahahha. All in all, it was a very fulfilling week of my internship! An advanced birthday gift, I guess. Haha.

Week 7

I already completed the required hours of my internship but I chose to extend my stay because with all the recent events that  happened, how could I afford to leave?! Haha kidding aside. Ate Lyks and Ms. Thess didn't mind at all the extension since any form of help would be greatly needed, especially this was the time of the year again when the biggest event, Star Magic Ball 2015, was bound to happen a few weeks from now. Since my  two bosses were busy with that said project, I and my co-interns were commanded to do other business aside from that. I wrote a press release of Kathryn Bernardo as the new endorser of Chic Nails while my co-interns made a writing about the premiere night of the movie, Somebody To Love, and Zaijan Jaranilla's Twitter-breaking song performance on The Voice Kids. For this week's selfie with the artists game, Ate Lyks allowed us to go with her to go the venue of Thanksgiving Party of the record-breaking movie of none other than the Teen King and Teen Queen, Daniel Padilla and Kathryn Bernardo, She's Dating The Gangster. From the group of teenagers who would risk everything to take a picture with their idol, I sighed upon realizing that I was able to stole a moment of taking a picture with them. Trust me, it was not easy, especially with Daniel. Hahahaha.

Week 8

It dawned on me that I needed to pack up and face the normal challenges of a graduating student so I set to my mind that this would be my last week of internship. The two weeks of freely allotting my time were enough. For once, I needed to make time for myself, and not always to other people around me. (Hugot. Kidding.) But seriously, as the end of semester was fast approaching, the amount of activities were pretty increasing.  Aside from that, it was time for other aspiring interns to have their collection of exciting activities too. 

On the last week of my internship, my tasks included the ever present media monitoring and helping Ms. Lyka and Ms. Tess finalized that Star Magic Catalogue. The catalogue was prepared by ABS-CBN Publishing and of course, Star Magic needed to check every details they put. I was running in circles from 8th floor to 12th floor and vice versa for every correction the Star Magic had. Honestly, it was a joint-hurting workout but the pain went at ease when I heard the victorious, "okay na yan" from Ate Lyks. Haha. It just made me smile realizing that even though  my volunteered work had extended two hours from my regular work time, at least  was part of the success of the release of Star Magic Catalougue 2015. :)

Too often, when college students look for an internship, one of the benefits they anticipate for in a company is a provided allowance. In case you still don't know, ABS-CBN, especially in the production and communication, does not have any allowance. But will that "con" still matter if the training that you will undergo into will allow you to truly make use of your skills in a real working environment? I guess not. Given a chance to choose between Star Magic and a company who offers tempting allowance but whose nature of work does not perfectly suits my career, I would still choose the former. Why? Because I know they are the pioneer who can help me build my career. Besides, with the right training I get to encounter with them, I will earn a money, a money even bigger than the allowance, in the future knowing that I was fully hands on with my internship experience. A good company whose goal is to make use of your skills in a real work setting, that is what you should be looking for.

The internship might have ended, but the learning will still continue. Thank you, Star Magic. :)