I did not give up on love. What I gave up is the mere idea that love will going to be easy for me. This “halaman mode” (the state where your guards are all up to any form of romantic feelings) that I’m currently in is naturally comforting. I'm sure my 16-years-old angsty self is not the one doing the talking because after taking time to self-reflect, it somewhat dawned on me what really consist of my being. I’m not saying that I’m underestimating love’s immanent capability of making two different paths collide in the most unexpected way. I mean, you can meet your significant other in a train ride on one Tuesday afternoon or maybe, accidentally picking up the same piece of raw meat in an eat-all-you-can buffet restaurant (while there's imaginary bokeh in the background). I’m not refusing to acknowledge the possibility of these spur of the moment romances would not lead to sharing a pancake on a plate while wearing their underwear ten years later. But I’ve planted a seed of realistic judgment that love will not give that moment to me. Aside from the fact that I’m a grumpy stranger you would encounter with on a morning rush, I consider myself being the last person who is a possible protagonist in a setting like that. This explains why I’m not interested in seeing someone new right now no matter how my friends try to brand that person. I just know that deep down inside, opening up doors for a guy is not the perfect time. Honestly, I’m not asking for too much. I’m not looking for someone who can tick every little thing on the #relationshipgoals. What I just want is someone to spend my lifetime with and I know it will take matter of time and experiences--which I don’t think is possible right now--to see a man's potential for that. Maybe, I’m destined to meet my other half through a common friend or being in the same workplace. It may be typical, predictable and not the story that Nicholas Sparks avid readers would look upon with eyes gleaming with admiration, but I know when that time comes, I’m beyond grateful with that and as our love grows, it will have its unique DNA that will make it breathtaking and magical in the most extraordinary way, at least in my point of view. But right now, I'm more than contented staying 24/7 in the sun (but for Pete's sake, not literally, especially during this humid season of the year) and bearing my own wonders, my own fruits.
People come and go
and that is okay. This is not only about wrecked relationships or messed up
friendships but the totality of losing a person in your life. After all the
hang-ups and sudden vanishing I’ve witnessed in my naked eyes, I no longer have the energy to chase after a person who decided to just shut
me off in their life. It’s not that our
ties did not mean anything to me but I’ve learned that you cannot control or
dictate for how long someone would like to celebrate life with you. So while
you’re still exchanging laughters and giggles, taking the most wackiest selfies or talking
about just plainly anything, just seize the moment because you can’t really
pinpoint who is gonna stay and who is gonna leave. Even if we don’t want it, we
just have to be prepared on life’s surprises. I bet the four members of One
Direction would agree with me on this. It may seem like a hard thing to do especially if that person have contributed a big part in your life but we'll be fine eventually. Fake it 'til you make it.
Just because you do not vibrate the same frequency with some people does not mean they are not worth-keeping
in your life. I’ll stop being hypocrite here. I’ve
been introduced to a lot of people who,
surprisingly, went on with second, third, fourth meeting until a mutual friendship has surfaced. But after months and years of spending time with
some of these people, I got to know who they really are--which I have to admit, often end up disappointing me. Thus, I tried to filter them thoroughly until it boiled down to a
handful of friends. If I learned that you never liked Ed Sheeran, I'd drop you
out. If I learned that you have a faulty grammar (I’m sorry. I'm not looking for someone like Shakespeare but some really awful grammar make me nauseated), I'd bid you goodbye. You may roll your eyes upon finishing the last two sentences but it came with a series of inconsistencies which let me into deciding to cross them out from the list of people I share a portion of my life with. In short, I was looking for
someone who was like an all package for me--someone who I share the same
wavelength with. During my free time, I find myself sitting alone in a coffee shop. The solitude keeps me at peace because at least I’m not with someone who shares stories that I perpetually
has no interest listening to. But I realized
lately that people are like seasons. You cannot force the summer to be paired with with
snowballs but you can appreciate it when you're out in the sun and getting your
tan on. You can’t expect the winter to mandate you into putting your favorite beach-ready Victoria's Secret bikini in the most frequently used space in your closet but you sure as hell it can make you hypnotize into a long power-charging nap. The point is, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has a weak skill in playing a certain life category. Instead of cutting people off, you should learn to acknowledge who they really are. It is not their fault that they cannot be as smart, witty, broad-minded, creative and whatever the fuck you want to label yourself that will make you consider you are not on their level as you think you are. It is not their fault. You must be able to look past to that and see the good side of them. Haven't you realized that these people will need you and even though you don't sense it today, you may also need their helping hand later?
So from now on, as long as they are the kind people who have been true to you, embrace them with open arms.
Learn the difference
between coincidence and destiny, and
small world and soulmate. If I were to be honest with you, I once used Tinder
and accidentally matched with a guy whose mother happened to be my mom’s closest former
officemate. We never realized it until I dropped my unique surname in our conversation. Heck, you can just imagine the exchange of dumbfounded reactions after that. Being who I really am as a person, I stared to overanalyze every detail of the story. First, he was also the same guy that my mom and her mother mutually agreed in
an unwritten contract which stated that I and this guy will tie the knot someday. Okay, maybe I was exaggerating
with the last line but they were dead serious about making the two of us crossing on the same path. I just can recall my mom
saying, “Maybe after two years”. And just like the cliche next scene, two years later and here we are. To make the
scenario even more freakishly jaw-dropping, we have been to the same different
places without us a couple of times without us mindfully acknowledging the existence of the other. It sent weird signals in my system that even my friends
were telling me that it was destiny or some sort. I admit, I was nearly
convinced that maybe, the universe collided us to meet this time, in a
technologically-advanced way. But then when I tried to step backward and see
the bigger picture, he was just a guy who loves to play around on Tinder and it
just happened that we are mutually connected to each other. Before anything
else, I would like to defend myself by saying that no late night drinking,
drunk texting and raging tweets that followed after that snap of reality.
It occurred to me that I was caught up with the idea of
destiny. Too often, we romanticize the idea of coincidence up to the extent that
we tend to mistaken it as destiny. Don't hold dearly to the thought of how fairytale-like the setting your love story is because it is not about "how we met" but "how we try to work things out".
Respect yourself
enough to know the difference between “staying friends with an ex” and “letting
negative people in your life again”. Love gurus, chic lit novels and even lifestyle
magazines have somehow imposed to us that being friends with an ex is one of the most
mature thing to do after the flame the two of you once shared has died. Furthermore, it also one way of
acknowledging the times you have been through. After all, he has been a part of your happiness. Whenever I try to mull it over, it left me questioning if I was being a bitter ex girlfriend who chose
to “ignore” or seenzone when an ex tried to reach out on me, dragging his ass
down how sorry he was of how he put into an end of our relationship. The
truth is, I already forgave him even before he was sorry. But having cleared my
eyes, the connection we had was not worth saving at all. Why? Because on the
course of our relationship, it never felt like something that made me grow into
a person, something that would inspire me to do better in my life. It was a mentally torturing one because the
love, care and support were only one-sided. I was there when he needed someone
to tell him that he was worth of receiving love, I was there when he needed
someone to prove that his charms, no matter how he belittles himself, still
works on someone like me. I was there when he needed someone to stroke his ego.
I could put it into a long list but let’s not get into that. In short, It never
felt like a woman and man in love, but more like a baby and babysitter pairing up. If the guy that you used to date did not even give you the slightest
amount of right treatment during your relationship, then how can you
expect him to offer you a genuine friendship? There’s a difference
between being bitter and gaining self-respect.
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